So Much for Lazy Days

Ah, summertime. Lazy days. Hanging at the beach. Riding along the lakefront. Decimating ant hills with magnifying glasses and vandalizing public property while sipping on sweet tea and eating watercress salads. These are my associations.

But summer has yet to come, as I look out my window at this dreary June 13th afternoon. I have bought two bathing suits for the season…count them! Two! And both have yet to have the tags ripped off with my teeth to barely sheeth my voluptious ass (seriously, it’s like a serving tray. I’d make a great flight attendant/cocktail waitress).

So what do I do instead of lounge back by the pool while downing mojitos and thinking of pretty, bronze-skinned boys? I work my titties off.

That’s right. June has shaped up to be quite the busy month for me. I told myself I’d take a hiatus from being creative this summer, but no such luck. My adoring public calls my name, and like a lonely sea captain looking to stick his pickle in a barrel, I heed that beckoning call. “Ahoy! What be that beautiful music? Tis opportunity rearing its ugly head once more! Let’s skin it and make it into a coat or a pair of designer gloves!”

The Alliance, my wonderfully amazing talented sketch group, performed at the premier Qweirdo showcase at iO earlier this month. We’re also slated to perform a very short set at Mary’s Attic a week from this coming Sunday. I’m taping a podcast on Monday, and a week from today I’m participating in the 24-hour play project. Then the last Thursday of the month I have an audition for an improv show, and the day after I have a stand-up set at Berlin (the night club, not the formerly war-torn city). I’m also simultaneously putting the finishing touches on the Web series I taped with, which should be premiering soon, and I just finished taping footage for my audition DVD for the comedy contest, Impress These Apes (stay tuned for the finished video, which will be dropping within the next couple weeks. There’s a pretty hot track I recorded that will have all the fairies bumping uglies on the dance floor. You hear?). Plus I just finished my outline for a play I want to write. OMG! WTF? OBGYN!!!

Add onto this the fact that I have an assignment for work due about every week this month (a boy’s got to eat), and you can see that this month is not the summer getaway I had planned. If I don’t have a stroke by Jne 30th, I’ll probably have a stroke.


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