Oh Happy Day!

My taxes are done. DONE!!! I have been dreading doing my taxes for months. Now most of you are probably asking yourselves what the big deal is. I mean, you just fill out some simple paperwork and wait for your return, right? Wrong! I’m self employed, so I have to pay self-employment taxes and pay back all that money that I didn’t pay Uncle Sam throughout the year like you did. Cause you see, if you work for someone, they’ll likely deduct Federal and state taxes from each paycheck. That way you don’t have to think about that kind of stuff. It’s actually a really good service of your employer. You should thank him with a donut, or as I call them, sweet bagels. I don’t have money taken out. That means each check I get is as pure as Columbian cocaine-untouched by our government’s grubby hands. It also means I got to cough up a big chunk of change when tax time rolls around.

Luckily, because last year was the first year I technically became self-employed, I had a ton of business-related deductions. Lots of new equipment and expenses. Factor in the fact that the government took out more money than needed while I was still full-time, and my tax burden was drastically reduced. In the end, I still owe money, so no fat return for me. But that’s fine. I’m just glad I don’t owe a bajilion dollars. Cause I don’t have a bajillion dollars.

I had so much fun doing my taxes in the end that I really can’t wait for next year. I wish every day was tax day! It’s like a game where you hunt down your receipts, add them up, give them to some guy with a special degree and then he tells you whether you win or lose. They should option a t.v. show about this shit. They can call it “Number Crunchers” or “Hey Fucko, Pick a Box Already!”

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