What is wrong with me? I’ve been drinking like I’m a college student or something!
I swear I’ve been drunk everyday for the past week. I’m not bragging. I’m revealing. Because you, people of the Internet, are my go-to therapist (because my real therapist is too pricey). Do I have a problem? Or am I just living out the life of every other 20-something, single, professional writer/comedian?
Or maybe am I trying to develop an alcohol problem? You know, because all tortured artists have something. Edgar Allen Poe and Jackson Polluck were huge drinkers. HUGE! And they made art that will be worshipped for eternity, despite Poe’s total emo prose and Polluck’s 3rd grade splatter art. Alcohol = instant success. It’s so obvious.
But there seem to be some crappy consequences to all this drinking. Like when I go to the gym. Ain’t nothing grosser than a hung over dude sweating out his alcohol intake on a treadmill. I mean, five minutes and I’m drenched. I guess all that whiskey’s got to work its way out somehow. Maybe I should just drink at the gym. I don’t know why this makes sense to me. Maybe it’s because I’m drunk.