Monthly Archives: March 2009

Vlog #9

Come see The Alliance every Thursday at Mary’s Attic at 7:30 pm.

Sorry for the Hiatus

Hey peoples. Sorry for the sudden hiatus in posts. I’ve been very busy fielding all kinds of things. For one, my business has blown up…in a good way. I’ve been getting client calls left and right, which is good because I like money thanks to the fact that I have grown quite accustomed to eating and shelter. Second, I’ve been gearing up for the premier of my sketch show, Gayrilla Warfare. We run every Thursday at Mary’s Attic at 7:30 pm. You can buy tickets here: http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/60261.

Expect a new vlog soon, as well as some other projects I have underway.

Oh Happy Day!

My taxes are done. DONE!!! I have been dreading doing my taxes for months. Now most of you are probably asking yourselves what the big deal is. I mean, you just fill out some simple paperwork and wait for your return, right? Wrong! I’m self employed, so I have to pay self-employment taxes and pay back all that money that I didn’t pay Uncle Sam throughout the year like you did. Cause you see, if you work for someone, they’ll likely deduct Federal and state taxes from each paycheck. That way you don’t have to think about that kind of stuff. It’s actually a really good service of your employer. You should thank him with a donut, or as I call them, sweet bagels. I don’t have money taken out. That means each check I get is as pure as Columbian cocaine-untouched by our government’s grubby hands. It also means I got to cough up a big chunk of change when tax time rolls around.

Luckily, because last year was the first year I technically became self-employed, I had a ton of business-related deductions. Lots of new equipment and expenses. Factor in the fact that the government took out more money than needed while I was still full-time, and my tax burden was drastically reduced. In the end, I still owe money, so no fat return for me. But that’s fine. I’m just glad I don’t owe a bajilion dollars. Cause I don’t have a bajillion dollars.

I had so much fun doing my taxes in the end that I really can’t wait for next year. I wish every day was tax day! It’s like a game where you hunt down your receipts, add them up, give them to some guy with a special degree and then he tells you whether you win or lose. They should option a t.v. show about this shit. They can call it “Number Crunchers” or “Hey Fucko, Pick a Box Already!”

Vlog #8 – Safe Sex

I’m Sorry

I’ve been so busy this weekend avoiding any kind of real work that I was unable to make a vlog. BUT, I did plan out my next one. So, yeah, hold on to your belt buckles cause it’s going to knock your pants off.

Blog Blog Blog

Hey, I’m going to be making a video blog tomorrow. Stay tuuuuuuuuuuned!

girlspider

Num num num!

Ow! My Liver!

What is wrong with me? I’ve been drinking like I’m a college student or something!

I swear I’ve been drunk everyday for the past week. I’m not bragging. I’m revealing. Because you, people of the Internet, are my go-to therapist (because my real therapist is too pricey). Do I have a problem? Or am I just living out the life of every other 20-something, single, professional writer/comedian?

Or maybe am I trying to develop an alcohol problem? You know, because all tortured artists have something. Edgar Allen Poe and Jackson Polluck were huge drinkers. HUGE! And they made art that will be worshipped for eternity, despite Poe’s total emo prose and Polluck’s 3rd grade splatter art. Alcohol = instant success. It’s so obvious.

But there seem to be some crappy consequences to all this drinking. Like when I go to the gym. Ain’t nothing grosser than a hung over dude sweating out his alcohol intake on a treadmill. I mean, five minutes and I’m drenched. I guess all that whiskey’s got to work its way out somehow. Maybe I should just drink at the gym. I don’t know why this makes sense to me. Maybe it’s because I’m drunk.