For those that may have seen last night’s post, I must apologize. You may have noticed how I titled my post “FUCK YEAH!”, using all capitalized letters to signify yelling, punctuated rather redundantly with an exclamation mark. You may have also noticed my crass use of slang with the synonym for copulate followed by a common vernacular version of the affirmative.
If you had visited my blog in the wee hours of the morning, you probably would have noticed the picture I posted, the one with the words “Best movie ever!!!” underneath it. Once again, sorry for the excessive excitement conveyed through the overuse of punctuation. In addition, I should apologize for the blatant sentence fragment. And let us not forget the picture, the one depciting the poster from the 1981 cult classic “Heavy Metal.” I am sorry for posting such base and purient imagery. I am sympathetic to how tantalizing that drawing of a woman dressed in S&M gear and straddling an ostrich bat can be. And the names of some of those bands–Black Sabbath, Blue Oyster Cult, Donald Fagen–are obviously offensive to decent tastes.
But most of all, I apologize for the idea my post conveys, the idea that Heavy Metal, a fully animated feature depicting generously proportioned women and nonsense, is the best movie ever. It clearly is not, that statement is false and was made under the duress of eating too much pizza (with breadsticks). To show a gesture of good will and to prove I am a man of character, credibility and decency, I offer you this: